Facing Fears

  Last week I got the courage to go to an open mic and read two of my poems. My two friends who I live with kept telling me I needed to go and look for different places in NY. Everytime I’d say “Noooooooooo absolutely not I can’t do that.” But someone once told me it’s necessary to step out of your comfort zone to grow. Ever since I can remember I’ve been way better at expressing my feelings through the form of writing. I’ve been writing since before I was in high school. It was my outlet to just write what was on my mind or get out anything I felt like I couldn’t say to someone. For anybody that knows me, knows I’m crazy, kinda loud sometimes but definitely a fun person to be around. BUT when I first meet someone I can be a tad bit shy. For a while I stopped writing poetry. I’m not sure why but I know a part of it had to do from my Bestfriend getting killed. He loved my poems and was always supporting me to write more. Without him here to read my stuff and hype me up, it just wasn’t the same. But with that came some issues because then I would bottle everything up. Still til this day, I know I have an amazing amount of family and friends who love me and are always there for me, but people have their own problems too and I don’t want to always bother them with mine! If I was mad,sad, or whatever I’d just wait until It was too late and I was already about to snap on someone. So I went to Nuyorican Poets Cafe in NY. AMAZING EXPERIENCE!!! The vibe in there that night was crazy. There were people who sang, rap, did comedy, played an instrument, and everyone was talented and unique in their own way. I was literally going crazy, sitting there, waiting to hear my name get called to come up. My memorization skills are horrible, which is something I want/need to work on, so I did have my little cute notebook with my poems in it from Target up on the stage with me. The first poem is untitled but it was the first poem I had written in years. The day I wrote it I wasn’t in a good space so the whole time I was writing, I was crying my eyes out; couldn’t stop the tears that day and I had been holding a lot inside. The second poem was a cute one called “Eyes”. In my opinion, eyes are a special feature on people and when you stare into someone’s eyes you can see and learn a lot. Eyes are just so dreamy and they’ll literally make you fall in love. The crowd was so receptive of my poems and cheered me on. Four of my friends came and I am so thankful for their love and support, and the love and support of everybody else I talked to about going to perform. Expressing my personals thoughts and feelings in front of people I do not know was so hard for me to do until that day. I felt free was a butterfly. It was like a brick was lifted off my chest. I will definitely be visiting more and more open mics throughout NY; let me know if you know any good ones 🙂

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